Way back in May, when America was still a shining beacon of democracy and not a flawed clusterfuck of poorly executed executive orders, Amber Heard and Johnny Depp broke up.

Heard and Depp’s divorce played out with the predictability of a late-career Johnny Depp flop.

They explain, “The arithmetic is straightforward: Depp spent more than he brought in, notwithstanding repeated warnings by TMG.” In his original suit, Depp asserts that TMG did not adequately attempt to stop his unwise spending.

So how does a successful actor mistakenly blow all of his savings? According to the suit, “Profligate spending” is a marathon, not a sprint: “Throughout the entire 17-year period that TMG represented Depp, Depp lived an ultra-extravagant lifestyle that often knowingly cost Depp in excess of $2 million per month to maintain.” To put it in perspective, that’s more money than you or I will ever have.

With all of this in mind, is t anyone less deserving of public sympathy than Johnny Depp? Last month, the scandal-plagued star risked social suicide by attending the 2017 People’s Choice Awards.

What are the good times? Seriously, what has this guy done to earn the eternal adoration of his fan base, other than refuse to apologize for his “Redface”? How did Johnny Depp build up enough goodwill to go from allegedly beating his wife to peddling perfume faster than you can say “White actors shouldn’t play Tonto”?