It is me! I’ve an issue with a goody goody Salman Khan.

It certainly seems as though the whole team carefully decided a theme that would project Salman Khan as a larger-than-life dogooder, incapable of telling an untruth, or hurting a fly.

The just superbly timed, wickedly amusing line in the movie is when when Salman is asked, “Bhaiya, yeh ‘selfie’ kya hota hai?” and Salman, quips, “Jab khud ki lete hain na….” long pause.

Subsequently “… tasveer.” This line sums up Brand Salman.

No matter how genuinely and strenuously Kabir Khan, the director, tries to remould the crucial Salman into a namby pamby, god-fearing Hanuman bhakt who bows and begs to every passing monkey, devotees wait for the asli Salman to appear.

I was counting the minutes and saying, “Ok… comes the turning point… this is when Salman will drop that cloying, simpering, irritating sweetness and be himself.” I waited in vain.

Mercifully he has stiff competition from an angelic six-year-old celeb called Harshaali Malhotra, who wordlessly steals the show from Salman.

Whatever the claims about BB being a movie that celebrates love over hate, camaraderie over enmity, empathy over intuition, most Salman Khan bhakts came away worrying about only one question: will his well-timed performance as an ambassador of peace and pyaar keep him out of jail??