If that sentence makes no sense to you, take heart! You’ve somehow avoided weeks of speculation and controversy surrounding photogenic new “Couple” Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston, who have been photographed clutching each other’s hands from blustery Rhode Island beaches to the Coliseum and beyond.

Ever since Hiddleswift Рnot a Pokémon you missed but the couple moniker assigned to Swift and Hiddleston Рcame giddily crashing into our lives on June 15, rumors have swirled.

Largely absent in all the rumors is Calvin Harris, whom Swift had been dating for more than a year before they broke up in early June, right before Swift and Hiddleston became an unholy fusion of enthusiasm, fame, and whimsy – ergo, a tabloid favorite.

The latest Swift/Harris breakup rumor: Their secret collaboration on “This Is What You Came For” went south But on July 13, TMZ brought Harris back into the story when it reported that he and Swift broke up because they collaborated on “This Is What You Came For” – Harris’s smash single featuring Rihanna on vocals – and while Swift agreed to use a pseudonym to keep the focus off the pair’s couplehood, things went south when Harris went to promote the single.

Calvin Harris going in on Swift for trying to “Bury” him is unexpected.

If Calvin Harris proves to be in on whatever game Hiddleston and Swift might be playing, my cynical heart just might grow three sizes.

On the other hand – and probably more believably – Calvin Harris could just be a salty dude who hates seeing his ex-girlfriend on the arm of a handsome Hollywood star and wanted to make sure everyone knew he’s still around.

Calvin Harris